Sleepless nights are a torture

Don't ever let anyone con you into thinking that having children is easy! Although it's a welcomed blessing for us, the sleepless nights I could do without. I've stayed up quite many nights due to my hubby snoring or the baby fussing. I've turned into a generally light sleeper. The only way I can fall asleep is to get myself completely exhausted so that I'll fall into a pit and never wake up. I'm sensitive to a few things when trying to fall asleep especially when I'm overly exhausted. The first annoyance is light, second comes sound and third any smell of food! Yep! If someone is having something downstairs...a toast, tea, COFFEE, I go berserk! I kinda look like the statue going 'Up Yours!' if I get ticked off in the morning :P.

Statue @ the Gardens of Mustiolinna, Finland

You know the notion when someone says "Waking up to the smell of fresh coffee"? Bollocks! If I wanted to sleep another hour the smell of coffee sends me into an immediate rage. I don't understand why it does that but it just makes me go AWOL. It's completely fine when I'm awake and I'm preparing to start my day but when I'm still snoozing it's the worse smell on earth.

The other thing that would make me grumpy during my snooze period is toast...BURNT TOAST! Ugh...One might think that it's a great wake up method but it really puts me in a bad mood. This phenomenon happened to me quite recently as I've been struggling to get some sort of a sleep pattern in place. After having my little girl, my body doesn't quite clock the same way. Maybe it has something to do with winter as well. If it's any consolation it should help me sleep better being dark and all.

Ice Candle @ my back yard 2009.  Hoping to create another this year :)

After seeing a physician, the only thing they can tell me is that it'll get back to normal in time. Time? <__< I have no time! <_< It's slowly affecting my judgement in traffic as well as other daily tasks. (Ever tried to pour milk into your coffee maker's water container? if that wasn't bad enough, miss the filter altogether creating a counter of coffee powdery mess!) Thankfully these little mishaps aren't so life threatening, sure they are irritating and over time it could become hazardous!

Now the pop quiz. After all the trouble of getting where you're at, do you want another child? At this very moment no...ask me again when my daughter behaves, or if I happen to see an adorable well behaved kid, or another sweet newborn...the answers vary from situation to situation, day to day and weather.

The world stand stills

The time between autumn and winter is when I always feel that the world stand still. At least here in Finland. The gloomy grey and sluggish weather makes you feel like there is a downfall of depressive airborne virus out to get you. I found a good remedy for this but because of my busy schedule and wanting to do other fun things have left me not following this remedy.

My pumpkin for 2010 - A tribute to the faction I belong to in World of Warcraft.
I do miss the times when I can just go and play whenever I feel like.

If you're planning to beat this downer season, you should have at least a shot or two of vitamin C boost (a glass of juice) plus some vitamin D. Include some exercise, walking, jogging, gym you name it every 2-3 days (twice a week is a lot if you're mostly on your butt). Avoid high carbs and controlled caffeine intake. Sugar doesn't do you good but get you hyped temporarily and then you fall back down into a pit of depression. Veggies (salads and wok veggies) are a great source of fresh energy, without feeling stuffed. If you're feeling under the weather consult a physician, if it's emotional a good friend is a good cure =). In the past year I've learnt who are my true friends and who isn't. I've been advised to try to patch things up. It doesn't work if it's only a one way thing. Given time it may work but after some 10's of years and people are still acting like children then it's better to just let it be bygones. There is no cure for this situation, sometimes things just happen intentionally or not, either in the heat of the moment but regretting doesn't help rewrite history. It takes a big person to forgive and forget and a bigger one to not bring it up. I admit I'm not so I'll bring it up but not going into details who it is.

In any case, I wish them well in whatever they do as the world is big enough for everyone. I'm grateful and thankful for the current friends I have. Most are understanding and open minded. It's just sad that I chose the wrong ones to give trust to but I've learnt my lesson and I'm moving on... =)

As I've mentioned I've been rather busy and haven't had time to focus on my blog(s)...(yes I have at least 2 if not 3 blogs) I also admit I've been a bit lazy just goofing around on Facebook. I have learnt to despise that site. It's there where I've learnt the true nature of some people. At the same time I'm grateful I've found some of my dearest long lost friends. I guess that oblivion is bliss!

Sandown Pier-Isle Of Wight (Oct 2010)
During my work trip continued by holiday trip to U.K.

I've discovered that I'm still missing some of the childhood memories I had while I was in U.K. When I was back recently I've noticed that alot have changed. Not for the worse but towards a different direction. I guess I've grown up! It's just weird I tried to cling on to something that is not there anymore. I still would like to move away from Finland some day but my work and family is not allowing me the freedom. I just need to figure out how I can move there with the brady bunch abroad without jeopardizing our way/standard of living way too much. I guess I'd survive with less, it's just I've gotten quite comfortable. I'm still searching but I'm just browsing to see what opportunities are available. On this note I leave you with my recent memories of U.K.

Cheers!

More Photos from the UK trip October 2010:

Priory Bay Hotel - Isle of Wight, U.K.

Carisbrooke Castle - Isle Of Wight, U.K.

Geese @ Hall Place, Kent, U.K.

Sculpture Hedges @ Hall Place, Kent, U.K.

Delicious cakes @ Prinssi - London, U.K.

More delicious cakes @ Prinssi - London, U.K.

Carisbrooke Castle - Isle of Wight U.K.

Osbourne House - Isle of Wight U.K.

Hall Place Mansion @ Kent, U.K.

More of Hall Place Mansion @ Kent, U.K.

A mixed up thought: Money vs. Career vs. Work

I started to prepare myself for the winter, I moved alot of spring-autumn items away from the terrace and started to wash the pillows that go with the garden furniture. I still have to clean the grill and cover it before leaving on Tuesday to U.K. Sadly the weather has gotten much colder than I expected, I might have to do the washing of the grill's interior indoors. I started to study up on investing as another way to provide for my family (nothing big just dabble a little here and there). Of course someone would say to me that I'm wasting my time. Well, here's the deal, I ain't no millionaire, heck I'm barely a hundredaire (No I don't care if that's not a real word :P) but the point is...investing a couple of hundreds is a BIG deal for me. It's money I'm not wanting to lose. Even a couple of tens is hard to part with when it comes to investing. However it's a risk I'm going to have to take if I want to try it out. I consider this a learning fee. If I profit, heck that's great...if I lose it then it's not the end of the world (although I'd be angry and cursing for the next month or so thinking of what I could have bought with that money :P).

The Sweet Peas hanging on my terrace are still in bloom (Champagne Bubbles is the color depicted here)

At this point my career is going alright, I've still got projects coming in to keep me employed. The only problem is if I'm going to get to do what I want to achieve my goal. It's probably all up to me. If I don't discuss this with my employer then they will never know, once they know and they don't/can't support it then it's time to rethink my position, do I want to stay and go no where or even regress or move on so that I can progress and achieve my goal.

So at this point, after having my precious little girl, I've achieved my life's goal. Career wise, it's not quite there yet but I do see an opportunity to get there. I just need to work hard and study hard and figure out the best way to get there without costing my employer an arm and a leg. Although it's pretty difficult to get where I want to at this stage without a little support but then again there are always people who are already where I want to be and I can get advice from them. I'm happy to share what I have and to learn what others have to offer. I can't know everything and neither can the next person. Which brings me to a *complain alert* situation about someone in my project who couldn't take an idea from another person who just got into the project. His comment about this was that "I'm more senior I've been doing this for 10's of years and it's been working fine, don't you dare come and tell me that this is not the right way!". That was utterly childish in my opinion, I welcome these ideas, if for a reason it may sound bad in your mind, you need to keep it to yourself and analyse what's being proposed without getting worked up about it. You never know it may end up to be a great idea not used.

My conclusion on this whole shenanigan was that this new guy had a valid point or idea, however it couldn't be adapted at this stage of the project without having to redo a lot of things that were done. This would mean lots of cost for the project plus time on an already delayed work. I don't see why this can't be implemented in a new project. (Not going to go into details and it could mean a breech in my NDA).

The trees out back about few weeks ago...Now the colors have changed...

So now I've covered work and money...plus a few things on my backyard. I guess that about sums up what's on my mind these few days. It's good to sometimes get your thoughts out there. It would be interesting to read up on some other people's thoughts as well.

Autumn is awesome...(depending on one's perspective)

I admit I'm a bit biased as I am born in Autumn but you've got to admit that there is a certain appeal to it. The beautifully coloured leaves giving different shades of yellow, orange, brown...the autumn rain that's so refreshing...also it's not so cold that you'd wanna run inside just as you've stepped out. Only thing I don't like about this season is that it's a reminder that I have to prepare my garden for wnter. Before that, I manage to take a picture of my blooming Dahlia. She's not going to last for much longer :-/. You see there was a strong storm that came not too long ago and blew her every which way, let's just say she's not looking too healthy. Normally what I would do is dig them up (the bulbs), wash, disinfect and dry them for next year; however I wasn't too happy about the colour of the flower. When I bought the bulb the photo on the package showed that it was suppose to be white with hints of purple. What I got was *GAR* purple with a few stripes of white. It just upset me to think that I've waited for the flowers to bloom only to be disappointed. I know the pictures don't usually tell it all but with the colours totally inverted...who could've got it so wrong? Anyhow she's a beauty right? =)

Purple Dahlia...It should have been white
with hints of purple...Go figure <.<

I'm excited with my plans for my garden next year, however I need the time and energy (mostly energy) to get the project started. With work and a little toddler, it's almost impossible to do anything extra shy of skipping housework. I admit I do enjoy my facebooking, my blogging (I know I know...lazy blogger <.<), my surfing, developing new recipe ideas, testing new recipes and what not, it's just hard to give up the little pleasures that you have in life that you so well deserve after a long day at work. I'm looking forward to having a break from doing anything in the garden come winter. I wonder how my hubby would enjoy the snow ploughing work this year :P. Anyhoos...it's a given that I need a full day (non rainy day) to work in the garden without the little gnome hanging on my leg all the time. I'll have to figure that one out this week...

Now you've heard about my gardening woos and my love for autumn. What's new for me? Job's the same (at least title) but the work is somewhat different. I've met new people over the past few months and I'm happy to say that it has made quite an impact in my work life. The people I've known in the past continue to enrich me and the new ones just give me new perspective. I've lost a few 'friends' but I've gain a whole lot more. I've also learnt that not everything is as it seems when it comes to work. You'll still have to sometimes face what people would call 'childish' behaviours at work from time to time. Let's just say I hope to not be working with this bunch for a long time. 

Now I have to go to sleep with a bitter taste in my mouth. Yes I got ill again...actually it was the same illness I got last month. It just never got better but now it's hitting back. So I have new antibiotic pills and eye drops for the eye infection. I'm hoping that these pills will help. I really hate using medicine and hope my immune system kicks in, but as I get older and have depended on all these modern medications, it seems like a cycle I cannot get rid off. I hear a conspiracy theory coming up for the paranoid <_<". You'd think that the pharmaceutical companies are on to something eh?

The late summer flu and me

Alyssa learning to walk at Malmgård

I see piles and piles of tissue everywhere around me...They were either from my hubby or my little one or me...It's quite sad that we all happen to be ill around the same time leaving us out of energy and tad more crankier than usual. The little one is thankfully getting better and hubby is at the peak and I'm somewhere closing in on the peak. I have a doctor's appointment today so I can have her check me up and give me some sick papers. I know my colleague would say what's the point as I'm working anyways and should just rest. I am afraid that if I let go I'll lose control of a project that's spiraling like a tornado. It has some good days and some bad days (okay it has more bad than good), however it has thought me something important. I've learned that if I've never faced failure I'll never know success. So this was one of the lowest points project wise but I take it with a spoonful of sugar (lots of grunting and whining and oh complaining out loud) and write it off as an experience. I'm probably a sucker for pain if I said that even if this was terrible it was rather enjoyable experience, in a way I got to meet new people, weeded the ones I didn't want to work with in the future and the ones I'll gladly give good feedback and hope to be on the same team again.

So...I'm sitting infront of my computer watching chats pour in telling me to get well soon and then asking for help with work. The concept of sick leave to some people is non existence, same goes with weekends and personal time. I guess I have myself to blame for letting people reach me too easily. I know how irritating it is when you need help and there is no where to turn to, hence I've tried to make life easier for others thus making mine a bit more complicated. A wise person told me once that if I keep giving there will always be people who'll keep taking until there is nothing left of you to take from. She also told me that I should sometimes be selfish and hold on to some of the things that are mine. Time is one of the things she told me is precious and I should never give it away for granted as that's one thing you can't gain back. She's right. I've wasted quite alot of time as a youth (I don't know many that don't) and when you come to a certain age you wish you'd have the time you've lost.

No matter. I try to not worry about the time I've lost and try to enjoy the time I still have and make the most of it. I told myself if there was something I really want to do. Just Do it! (very Nike but who cares) Of course most of the things I want to do involves €€€ and some even lots of it (e.g. travelling). I'll just have to balance it out with the things that cost less € and save up so I can enjoy doing the things that cost more €€€. In regards to finances, a few years ago, the biggest fear I had was that I'd lose my job. Now my biggest fear would be to continue this rat race without accelerating in my career. Then I ask myself...what do I wanna do? The same old stuff, or just the same old stuff with a few fine tunes? I then realize without the support from my employers I won't be able to do anything more than the same old stuff, if I'm lucky I'll get some fine tunes in the turbo if you know what I mean.

I haven't been actively searching for options to advance in my career. I definitely want an option to gain more €€€, the problem always with earning more €€€, I tend to splurge as much as I make (minus the bills, cost of living...grmbl grmbl grmbl...ANYWAYS). If I could spend the way I did when I had € I could save € and life is great! Which will bring me to my next topic....stay tuned.

Is it the end of August yet?

I have been waiting for the end of August since the beginning of July. Reason being that I haven't had much of holidays and I don't quite like the heat plus my project needed me to be working during the month of July. I kinda like strolling into an empty floor and having the entire office space to myself. Not to mention the parking spots available is amazing since I could park literally ANYWHERE ^__^. Now that all the rested grunts are back at work it will take a while until they settle in. I wonder why people get so easily irritable after they've had a long vacation, I should be the one grunting (I am...) due to not having any.

I always assume that it would be easy with children but juggling work and a baby it's quite a chore. It would make sense to be a stay at home mum but that would mean we would have to move out of our semi-dream home. If you ask a friend who recently visit she'd appreciate my home but for some reason I'm not so. This is again another halfway home just like all the other houses we've had. We are overweight IT geeks that know nothing about building. Even hammering a nail to the wall would give us a blue thumb. It's quite a risky business to start obtaining a land to start building while being 5-6 months pregnant. So I started a search for something more towards our price range and found this little brand new idyllic home. The size was enough, some wasted space and the layout was so and so. The kitchen was not what I dreamt about but it will have to do for now. I'll try to obtain pictures from my dear friend Angie as she went around to take photos of this messy abode.

At this moment nothing matters but my little one's happiness :). My kitchen can wait :o).

Daddy giving the birthday girl a kiss!

Time flies

This was made before Alyssa's birthday party.

 

When I tend my garden I realize how fast time flies... Not too long ago I was sowing seeds indoors in hopes that winter would be finally gone and spring would arrive for me to move the plants outdoors. Now we've had some strawberries from the garden, zucchini's flowering and we've even gotten one from the patch as well as blueberries slowly ripening!

Zucchini Flower

Soon I'll have to prepare for winter. However I'm not going to worry about it yet as summer in Finland has been extraordinary this year :). I think I may have one too many zucchini's and I'll have to give them to our neighbor :). I will move the strawberries as well and we'll redo the garden. So that I have a plot for my veggies :). Next year I'll plant carrots and a little bit more Romaine Salad as well as a broccoli and zucchini. Of course I'll have blackcurrants, strawberry, blueberries and maybe I'll bring home a raspberry bush :).